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Can You Use Collaborative Law when There’s Been an Affair?

Sept. 3, 2021

Yes. In litigation, the focus is usually on what happened in the past. Collaborative Divorce focuses on the future. Instead of rehashing past mistakes and bad behavior, the parties in a Collaborative case look forward and try to find or create solutions. Many Collaborative cases have involved situations where adultery occurred and both parties know about it. And those cases are almost always successfully resolved in the Collaborative process.

If a husband or wife is very angry and can't get over that to focus on his or her goals, then Collaborative may not be an appropriate option for that person. It does required some emotional maturity and getting past the anger stage of the breakup. But, keep in mind, a litigated divorce where one spouse can't get over anger because a very expensive and damaging process. It's better to get help.

What to do if you want a Collaborative divorce, but you are very angry?

  • Get some counseling for yourself to manage your anger and move forward emotionally. You may be righteously angry, but at some point you have to find a way to deal with it.

  • Get counseling for you and your spouse. That can help both of you address common issues in a safe environment, prior to or during divorce negotiations.

  • Let some time pass. Everyone goes through several stages of grieving during a divorce, not always in the same order. Over time, perspectives and feelings change. At some point, you will be ready to work on the divorce without being consumed by anger and a desire for revenge.

  • Consult with a trained and experienced Collaborative lawyer who may be able to help you focus on goals that are more important than just retribution.

Don't be afraid to try Collaborative Divorce when there has been adultery or an affair in the marriage. There have been many successful agreements reached where the parties have been able to work together then and in the future.

Please call us to set up a consultation. We can help you decide the best path forward for you through a divorce.