Traditionally, holidays present an opportunity for family fun and relaxation or for conflict. Families tend to create their own hierarchy of preferred holidays. Work and vacation schedules have a major influence on whether certain holidays are important or not for a family. Once there is a divorce or a court order to manage child possession schedules, conflicts sometimes surface. Court orders tend to create some arbitrary divisions of holidays, and sometimes that's the best approach because the parties just will not agree on anything. In a more mature environment, however, there are ways to minimize the conflict. With the 4th of July approaching, here's some tips to keep in mind to help maintain a peaceful holiday. Plan ahead. If you can work out plans well in advance, that will reduce everyone's stress. Waiting until the last minute probably means that plans have already be made by everyone and that someone will be unhappy about changing. While you may not be...Read More

I didn't create the title to this post. It's a phrase I've heard around the courthouse for years, mostly from judges, social workers and therapists, to explain why both parties in a divorce are often afflicted with the same or similar problems. Even though the lawyers and other professionals usually recognize this phenomenon, the ones who don't realize it are the ones most involved. The ducks themselves. Our clients. I am writing this to clue in the ducks so maybe they will have an easier time navigating the family law system. Family law legal issues usually range from very emotional to extremely emotional. Luckily, clients have attorneys to help them deal with the process. In litigated cases (in contrast to Collaborative Law cases), the parties and their attorneys often spend a lot of time preparing for court, or at least preparing for heavy negotiations. The attorneys always want facts from their clients. Some attorneys focus almost exclusively on the...Read More

An excellent article by Teresa McUsic appeared in the venerable Fort Worth Star-Telegram today discussing Collaborative divorce. In particular, the writer referenced a recently-published book by Scott Clarke, Melinda Eitzen and Vicki James. The book called, Divorce: The Collaborative Way , is available through Amazon and various book stores. The three authors are from the North Texas area. Scott is a financial planner in Colleyville , Melinda is a Dallas attorney and Vicki is a therapist in Dallas, although they all practice in multiple counties in North Texas. I have worked with Scott and Vicki and I know Melinda, so I can confirm that they are real authorities on Collaborative Law. Ms. McUsic discussed various aspects of Collaborative Law with the three co-authors and explained how the three professionals work together as a team in Collaborative cases in Texas. Her article is a great brief introduction to Collaborative Law. If the article tweaks your...Read More

Two perennial topics for most people going through a divorce or dealing with a family law issue are how to best manage the documents that are inevitably required and how to cut down on their attorney's fees. For many reasons, we always seem to deal with a lot of documents in any case, although some cases are naturally worse than others. The answer for some clients is to "Do It Yourself". This won't work for everyone, but for people who have time, understanding and some organizational ability, they can save time for their attorney and save money for themselves. Here are some ways this can work: 1. Background information -- In most divorces, the parties will need to produce a lot of financial records. Why not start early? When you are getting ready to meet with your prospective attorney, gather and organize whatever financial records you can find. Such things as tax returns, bank statements, retirement account statements, deeds, loan agreements and records, credit card...Read More

One of the most frequent searches on the Internet on family law issues is the question: "At what age can the child decide where he/she will live?" As the Oregon Divorce Blog recently stated, that's a trick question. The answer is that the child can decide at age 18. When the child legally becomes an adult, the court no longer has control over the child. Until then, only the judge ultimately decides. There are, however, several ways to have some influence. The child can talk to the parents about the decision. As much as I don't like involving children in these decisions, sometimes a child is mature and has a reasonable basis for a change in living arrangements. What's potentially damaging is for a parent to want a change of custody and then recruit the child to become an advocate. That should be avoided. Sometimes parents try to act like the request originated with the child, but it usually doesn't. Another bad situation is when a child works the parents...Read More

It seems that James J. Gross, in the Maryland Divorce Legal Crier , has an almost limitless supply of relevant, analytical and often encouraging comments about family relationships. Last week, he published the following suggestions that can be useful for people facing divorce or for people wanting to avoid a divorce. "A recent study concludes that a happiness gap between spouses is a harbinger of divorce. It goes further to state that the odds of divorce increase if the wife is unhappier than the husband, because women file more divorces than men. Here are my two best tips for managing unhappiness, in marriage or divorce. "1. Make a Grateful List. It is easy to look at the glass half full. It is human nature to always want more than we have. And your brain will keep pumping out negative thoughts as long as you dwell on what you don’t have instead of what you do have. An antidote for this is to write down all the things in your life that you are grateful for....Read More

Domestic violence and abuse used to be a topic that was swept under the rug. During the past 20 years, there has been a slow, but steady increase in public awareness and concern about the problem. The issue has been around for a long time, but it hasn't been dealt with seriously until relatively recently. The victims of violence and abuse in the home are still predominantly women, but there is a significant number of male victims as well. Most of the remedial efforts, such as shelters, to help the victims have been oriented to women. In addition to there being more female victims, women often are more willing than men to come forward to seek help. It is still very hard for women to seek help in a domestic violence situation, but it is usually much harder for men to admit that they are victims and need help (or rescue) for domestic violence. The dynamics of the abuse suffered by men and women is similar. One or more of the following behaviors (among others) will...Read More