Relocation Revisited
It's important to play by the rules, even the unwritten ones. For many judges, there are some basic rules that apply to relocation issues. Relocation, in the family law courts, is the situation where a parent with custody rights for a child decides to move from where the parent and child had been residing to another county or state. It becomes an issue when one parent wants to move the child away from the other parent.
If you are thinking about moving to another area, you should first examine the current court order. Most Texas orders involving custody of children have a residency restriction. A very common restriction is to limit the child's residence to the current county or any county contiguous (touching) that county. Some orders are even more limited, such as specifying a single county, a city or a school district, for example.
Some orders don't have a residence restriction, but don't assume you get a free pass. Even without the restriction, the other parent can object to the move and the court may block the more.
Most Texas court orders also require that parents keep each other informed of their (and the child's) current address, as well as place of employment and phone numbers. Most orders also provide that a parent must notify the other parent (and often the court) when a parent changes home address, work place or phone numbers. The orders usually require the notice to be provided at least 60 days before the change goes into effect, or if the party doesn't know that far in advance, the notice is usually required within 5 days of when the parent learned of the change.
All of that sounds pretty easy, but here's how problems occur.
1. Moving out of the permitted area without prior notice. That's a big No-No.
2. Moving when the other parent has an active and close relationship with the child.
3. Moving when the other parent is mad or controlling or otherwise wants to make your life miserable.
Rules to keep in Mind:
1. The judge has a lot of discretion in determining what's in the child's best interest.
2. The judge will not be overly concerned with a new romance, or even marriage, of a parent that could lead to relocating the child's residence.
3. The judge is mostly concerned with what's in the child's best interest.
4. If the non-custodial parent has had an active and good relationship with the child, the judge is not likely to permit the custodial parent to move the child somewhere distant because it would disrupt the child's relationship with the other parent. (Notice the focus on the child.)
5. If a custodial parent moves with the child outside the area permitted by the current court order and fails to give proper notice to the other parent, it is very likely that a judge will order the child returned to the original geographic area, especially if there has been a good parent-child relationship with the non-custodial parent.
6. If a custodial parent is required to move by his or her employer, the court might permit the move, or might not.
7. Sometimes a judge will give a custodial parent a choice of giving up custody of the child or moving back to an area in compliance with the court order.
8. Moving a long distance away will not decrease the possibility that the judge will order the return of the child. I have seen several parents ordered to move the child back to Texas from California.
What's a parent to do (if she/he wants to move) ?
1. Keep on good terms with the other parent. Be willing to compromise, be flexible and share time with the child with the other parent. Key: Start doing that from the beginning, long before there is ever a potential issue.
2. Keep good records on support, visitation and participation in various activities. You may need them later.
3. Comply with all the court orders for notice and anything else relating to the child. Be a good citizen.
4. Think of creative ways for the other parent to maintain close contact with the child after the proposed move. Think about a web cam, email and messaging, as well as any new ideas that come along. You can offer to set up regular times for phone calls or other communication means.
5. Do research in advance. Look on the Internet for ideas. Talk with child specialists. Read any books or articles you can find about long-distance parent-child relationships.
6. Try to avoid litigation. IMHO, Collaborative Law is the best approach to resolving such difficult issues in a responsible way, but you can only do that if both parties agree to bring in a Collaborative lawyer. In Tarrant County, you can also use Access Facilitation which is available at Tarrant County Family Court Services. You can also offer to work jointly with a child specialist. Mediation might also be helpful.
7. Your chances for successfully moving away are much greater if you can do it by agreement rather than by going to court.
8. Hire an experienced lawyer to help guide you as you work through the issues.
If you are thinking about moving to another area, you should first examine the current court order. Most Texas orders involving custody of children have a residency restriction. A very common restriction is to limit the child's residence to the current county or any county contiguous (touching) that county. Some orders are even more limited, such as specifying a single county, a city or a school district, for example.
Some orders don't have a residence restriction, but don't assume you get a free pass. Even without the restriction, the other parent can object to the move and the court may block the more.
Most Texas court orders also require that parents keep each other informed of their (and the child's) current address, as well as place of employment and phone numbers. Most orders also provide that a parent must notify the other parent (and often the court) when a parent changes home address, work place or phone numbers. The orders usually require the notice to be provided at least 60 days before the change goes into effect, or if the party doesn't know that far in advance, the notice is usually required within 5 days of when the parent learned of the change.
All of that sounds pretty easy, but here's how problems occur.
1. Moving out of the permitted area without prior notice. That's a big No-No.
2. Moving when the other parent has an active and close relationship with the child.
3. Moving when the other parent is mad or controlling or otherwise wants to make your life miserable.
Rules to keep in Mind:
1. The judge has a lot of discretion in determining what's in the child's best interest.
2. The judge will not be overly concerned with a new romance, or even marriage, of a parent that could lead to relocating the child's residence.
3. The judge is mostly concerned with what's in the child's best interest.
4. If the non-custodial parent has had an active and good relationship with the child, the judge is not likely to permit the custodial parent to move the child somewhere distant because it would disrupt the child's relationship with the other parent. (Notice the focus on the child.)
5. If a custodial parent moves with the child outside the area permitted by the current court order and fails to give proper notice to the other parent, it is very likely that a judge will order the child returned to the original geographic area, especially if there has been a good parent-child relationship with the non-custodial parent.
6. If a custodial parent is required to move by his or her employer, the court might permit the move, or might not.
7. Sometimes a judge will give a custodial parent a choice of giving up custody of the child or moving back to an area in compliance with the court order.
8. Moving a long distance away will not decrease the possibility that the judge will order the return of the child. I have seen several parents ordered to move the child back to Texas from California.
What's a parent to do (if she/he wants to move) ?
1. Keep on good terms with the other parent. Be willing to compromise, be flexible and share time with the child with the other parent. Key: Start doing that from the beginning, long before there is ever a potential issue.
2. Keep good records on support, visitation and participation in various activities. You may need them later.
3. Comply with all the court orders for notice and anything else relating to the child. Be a good citizen.
4. Think of creative ways for the other parent to maintain close contact with the child after the proposed move. Think about a web cam, email and messaging, as well as any new ideas that come along. You can offer to set up regular times for phone calls or other communication means.
5. Do research in advance. Look on the Internet for ideas. Talk with child specialists. Read any books or articles you can find about long-distance parent-child relationships.
6. Try to avoid litigation. IMHO, Collaborative Law is the best approach to resolving such difficult issues in a responsible way, but you can only do that if both parties agree to bring in a Collaborative lawyer. In Tarrant County, you can also use Access Facilitation which is available at Tarrant County Family Court Services. You can also offer to work jointly with a child specialist. Mediation might also be helpful.
7. Your chances for successfully moving away are much greater if you can do it by agreement rather than by going to court.
8. Hire an experienced lawyer to help guide you as you work through the issues.
Categories: Blog
Managing Finances: Collaborative Divorce vs. Litigation
In a recent post in my other blog (Divorce and Family Law in Tarrant County, Texas), I wrote about an article that originally appeared in Divorce360.com. It was advice about how to manage your finances in a divorce. It was obviously written from the perspective of a litigated divorce instead of a Collaborative divorce. There were a few points that I would have explained a little differently, but the article overall was very helpful. Later, I looked at the article from a Collaborative perspective and it was amazing how different my comments would be. The following are the main points raised in the original post, with my comments and explanations showing the contrast between litigation and Collaborative Law.
1. Know what you have. Instead of figuring this out when the divorce is ending, in Collaborative cases we start exchanging information during the first or second meeting. In addition, we often bring in a neutral financial professional (FP) who helps both parties gain an understanding of the assets, liabilities and future needs for both parties. My experience is that the Collaborative parties generally end up with a much greater knowledge of their finances because it is so openly discussed and professional help is utilized.
2. Think about where you're going. Again, this is done at the outset and reviewed often during the Collaboration process. The parties usually start at the first joint meeting discussing and recording their respective goals. Throughout the process, they refer back to the goals to make sure they are still on track to accomplish their goals. That is almost never done in a litigated case. In litigation, the parties usually just stake out arbitrary positions and try to get to another arbitrary position. Rarely do the parties in litigation spend time developing their goals or targets and the strategies to accomplish them.
3. Keep track of your credit rating. Again, that's pretty good advice. In a Collaborative case, the parties fully disclose their finances from the beginning. If desired, either or both parties can obtain their credit records to review. And then they would share that information with their spouse.
4. Save something every month. That's good advice, once the divorce is over with. Most people going through a divorce will spend a while adjusting to a new financial situation. The most common challenge is how to support two households on the same income that was basically consumed supporting one home. Still, with a financial neutral helping the parties create a plan and a budget, the parties are in a pretty good position to start saving. In a litigated divorce, the parties are usually on their own and often lack the information, skills and motivation to start saving. Many parties in a Collaborative divorce make saving one of their important goals, so they discuss it and plan for it from the beginning.
5. Close all joint accounts. This is done by agreement at an appropriate time in a Collaborative divorce, after discussion among the parties and neutral financial expert.
6. Educate yourself about money. That certainly happens in a Collaborative divorce. It's often true that one party in a divorce knows more about the finances than the other party. In a Collaborative case, the process provides an education for the party who starts out with less knowledge. Besides having an attorney advisor, each party gets copies of all the financial records that are relevant and, in most cases in North Texas, a neutral financial professional is involved. The FP helps to educate the parties about what assets and liabilities there are and what opportunities are available. In litigation, the neutral FP is missing, so understanding the finances is often much more difficult.
7. Don't panic. Panic is usually not an issue in a Collaborative case. The parties work with specially trained attorneys, a neutral communication coach (usually a mental health professional) and a financial professional in a less stressful and more effective environment than is available in litigated divorces. On the other hand, it is understandable how parties might panic in a litigated divorce with its lack of support and highly stressful atmosphere. Setting goals, gathering and analyzing information and then making decisions with the aid of knowledgeable professionals seriously reduces the possibility of panic.
Clearly, many of the valuable bits of financial advice given for a litigated divorce simply don't apply in the Collaborative Law context. The concerns found in litigation are no longer significant in the Collaborative approach.
1. Know what you have. Instead of figuring this out when the divorce is ending, in Collaborative cases we start exchanging information during the first or second meeting. In addition, we often bring in a neutral financial professional (FP) who helps both parties gain an understanding of the assets, liabilities and future needs for both parties. My experience is that the Collaborative parties generally end up with a much greater knowledge of their finances because it is so openly discussed and professional help is utilized.
2. Think about where you're going. Again, this is done at the outset and reviewed often during the Collaboration process. The parties usually start at the first joint meeting discussing and recording their respective goals. Throughout the process, they refer back to the goals to make sure they are still on track to accomplish their goals. That is almost never done in a litigated case. In litigation, the parties usually just stake out arbitrary positions and try to get to another arbitrary position. Rarely do the parties in litigation spend time developing their goals or targets and the strategies to accomplish them.
3. Keep track of your credit rating. Again, that's pretty good advice. In a Collaborative case, the parties fully disclose their finances from the beginning. If desired, either or both parties can obtain their credit records to review. And then they would share that information with their spouse.
4. Save something every month. That's good advice, once the divorce is over with. Most people going through a divorce will spend a while adjusting to a new financial situation. The most common challenge is how to support two households on the same income that was basically consumed supporting one home. Still, with a financial neutral helping the parties create a plan and a budget, the parties are in a pretty good position to start saving. In a litigated divorce, the parties are usually on their own and often lack the information, skills and motivation to start saving. Many parties in a Collaborative divorce make saving one of their important goals, so they discuss it and plan for it from the beginning.
5. Close all joint accounts. This is done by agreement at an appropriate time in a Collaborative divorce, after discussion among the parties and neutral financial expert.
6. Educate yourself about money. That certainly happens in a Collaborative divorce. It's often true that one party in a divorce knows more about the finances than the other party. In a Collaborative case, the process provides an education for the party who starts out with less knowledge. Besides having an attorney advisor, each party gets copies of all the financial records that are relevant and, in most cases in North Texas, a neutral financial professional is involved. The FP helps to educate the parties about what assets and liabilities there are and what opportunities are available. In litigation, the neutral FP is missing, so understanding the finances is often much more difficult.
7. Don't panic. Panic is usually not an issue in a Collaborative case. The parties work with specially trained attorneys, a neutral communication coach (usually a mental health professional) and a financial professional in a less stressful and more effective environment than is available in litigated divorces. On the other hand, it is understandable how parties might panic in a litigated divorce with its lack of support and highly stressful atmosphere. Setting goals, gathering and analyzing information and then making decisions with the aid of knowledgeable professionals seriously reduces the possibility of panic.
Clearly, many of the valuable bits of financial advice given for a litigated divorce simply don't apply in the Collaborative Law context. The concerns found in litigation are no longer significant in the Collaborative approach.
Categories: Blog
Managing Your Finances after Divorce
One of the best websites I have found on family law issues is Rosen.com, which is from North Carolina. While there are some differences in law between North Carolina and Texas, the web site is still an excellent all-around resource with current news and common sense information about family law topics, so I recommend it as a resource. Connected to the web site is a blog called "Kramer Vs". Most of you can figure out the clever name. A recent post there dealt with finances for people going through divorce. They reprinted an article that originally appeared at divorce360.com, which is another good resource. The post raised some important points about financial matters and I have taken their main points and added my comments below. You can see the original post at divorce360 here. The original post was titled: "Finances: Tips to Protect You and Your Assets after the Divorce is Final".
"Divorce is as much about starting a new life as it is about ending a relationship. One of the most important things you can and must do for yourself when starting new is to make good decisions about your finances. Whether or not you handled the finances in your marriage, now that the divorce is finalized the decisions are all yours to make. Here are some expert opinions about what to do and what not to do when it comes to your financial future.
1. Know what you have: “One of the most immediate things is to get a good handle on your assets, your income and your expenses,” says Craig Hyldahl, Financial Advisor with AXA Advisors and a Certified Divorce Financial Anaylst. “It’s easy to figure out income, what’s a little more difficult to figure out are expenses. You have to understand you’re not going to have the same lifestyle as prior to the divorce and things are going to keep changing. What may make sense today might change drastically over time, so keep meticulous track of your expenses.” In the process of your divorce, hopefully you began keeping photocopied records of all your bank statements, credit card accounts, tax returns and other financial information. It’s important to hold onto all these records and stay in the habit of keeping meticulous financial records so you know how much you spend, how much you owe and how much you make at any given time."
In most divorces with significant assets, we prepare a detailed, sworn inventory of the assets and liabilities of the two parties. You should come out of the divorce with good knowledge of your financial situation. It takes a lot of work by you (gathering information) and your attorney (organizing the information) to get the inventory, but it is a valuable document for the future.
2. Think about where you're going. "If your divorce was just finalized, you may want to get a jumpstart on your financial decisions, but this isn’t necessarily the best approach. 'Rushing is one of the worst things you can do,' says Hyldahl. 'Oftentimes rushing means making decisions one at a time, when actually you shouldn’t make isolated decisions when it comes to your finances. There are so many intertwined areas it makes more sense to take your time and then take action all at once.' Hyldahl also advises taking your time when hiring a financial advisor, since doing your finances is more personal than just numbers. 'You really need to trust your advisor, so interview several before making a decision to go with one.'"
It is important from the outset to assess your needs and goals. This is really emphasized in Collaborative divorces, but it's also true in litigated divorces as well. When you are proposing a property division plan, it helps to know what you need and to decide what you want to be able to do once the divorce is over.
3. Keep track of your credit rating. "Another important financial tip is to stay informed about your credit rating. 'Do a credit check both during and after your divorce to make sure there are no surprises,' says Barbara Shapiro, co-owner of HMS Financial and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. 'Also, be sure to change your beneficiaries, update your will and always keep your divorce decree close at hand as you will refer to it regularly over time (especially if you have kids).'"
5. Close all joint accounts. I didn't really agree with the original article's explanation of this point. I do agree that joint accounts should be closed, but that really should happen (by agreement or court order) during the divorce. The original article mentioned selling off some assets, but that should be done only if it does not violate a court order or legal responsibility; in other words, check with your lawyer before doing that. A prudent person would also check with a financial advisor to consider tax consequences of the sales.
6. Educate yourself about money. " Remember that managing your finances is an ongoing process. Another useful tip from Barbara Shapiro is to 'empower yourself by reading, taking classes and talking to your financial advisor, especially if you weren’t the one managing your finances before the divorce.' Craig Hyldahl agrees that there must be 'ongoing monitoring and constant contact between clients and financial advisors.' By keeping track of how your expenses, income and investments grow or change over time, you’ll be in a better position to make financial decisions."
This is good advice. There are lots of free resources on the Internet which can be helpful, but using a local financial professional will be a good investment.
7. Don't panic. "Probably the most important thing to keep in mind is don’t panic. 'You’re probably dealing with the largest lump sum you’re going to get along with the most stressful time in your life,' says Hyldahl, so avoid the tendency to feel overwhelmed. Take your time; make sure you have all the financial records you need; don’t hire a financial advisor until you’ve asked a lot of questions and established mutual goals and trust. Try not to spend more than you need to until you’ve got a firm financial plan in place."
The comment about a lump sum only applies in a limited number of cases. Whatever your situation, the advice to not panic is still important. Take your time. Take a deep breath. Think before you act. Get professional help. You need to come up with a comprehensive financial plan, but keep in mind that it will change over time, so be flexible.
"And finally, it’s important to remember you’re not alone. 'While it's natural to fear whether you'll be able to take care of yourself financially speaking, don't for a minute think you are alone in that concern,' writes Manisha Thakor. 'A whopping 70 percent of Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck and that cuts across income spectrums.' As you begin your new life, stay informed, positive and proactive when it comes to your finances and your situation will most likely continue to improve."
"Divorce is as much about starting a new life as it is about ending a relationship. One of the most important things you can and must do for yourself when starting new is to make good decisions about your finances. Whether or not you handled the finances in your marriage, now that the divorce is finalized the decisions are all yours to make. Here are some expert opinions about what to do and what not to do when it comes to your financial future.
1. Know what you have: “One of the most immediate things is to get a good handle on your assets, your income and your expenses,” says Craig Hyldahl, Financial Advisor with AXA Advisors and a Certified Divorce Financial Anaylst. “It’s easy to figure out income, what’s a little more difficult to figure out are expenses. You have to understand you’re not going to have the same lifestyle as prior to the divorce and things are going to keep changing. What may make sense today might change drastically over time, so keep meticulous track of your expenses.” In the process of your divorce, hopefully you began keeping photocopied records of all your bank statements, credit card accounts, tax returns and other financial information. It’s important to hold onto all these records and stay in the habit of keeping meticulous financial records so you know how much you spend, how much you owe and how much you make at any given time."
In most divorces with significant assets, we prepare a detailed, sworn inventory of the assets and liabilities of the two parties. You should come out of the divorce with good knowledge of your financial situation. It takes a lot of work by you (gathering information) and your attorney (organizing the information) to get the inventory, but it is a valuable document for the future.
2. Think about where you're going. "If your divorce was just finalized, you may want to get a jumpstart on your financial decisions, but this isn’t necessarily the best approach. 'Rushing is one of the worst things you can do,' says Hyldahl. 'Oftentimes rushing means making decisions one at a time, when actually you shouldn’t make isolated decisions when it comes to your finances. There are so many intertwined areas it makes more sense to take your time and then take action all at once.' Hyldahl also advises taking your time when hiring a financial advisor, since doing your finances is more personal than just numbers. 'You really need to trust your advisor, so interview several before making a decision to go with one.'"
It is important from the outset to assess your needs and goals. This is really emphasized in Collaborative divorces, but it's also true in litigated divorces as well. When you are proposing a property division plan, it helps to know what you need and to decide what you want to be able to do once the divorce is over.
3. Keep track of your credit rating. "Another important financial tip is to stay informed about your credit rating. 'Do a credit check both during and after your divorce to make sure there are no surprises,' says Barbara Shapiro, co-owner of HMS Financial and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. 'Also, be sure to change your beneficiaries, update your will and always keep your divorce decree close at hand as you will refer to it regularly over time (especially if you have kids).'"
Checking your credit records is helpful in discovering what credit cards and loans might be in your name which you are unaware of or which you have forgotten about. You can also look for mistakes. One's credit rating is becoming more and more important in many different ways.
4. Save something every month. "Co-author of 'On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance,' Manisha Thakor says anyone going through a divorce should remember that good personal finance does not have to be difficult. 'When you boil it all down, every single piece of personal finance advice falls into one of three buckets (1) save, (2) invest, (3) protect.' Try not to become overwhelmed. Remember to keep putting something into savings each month, try and invest 15 percent of your income in simple, stable funds and protect yourself with adequate insurance."
Actually, most people coming out of a divorce are not in position to be adding to savings right away. It is great if you're able to, but usually for a while, the parties are still learning to stretch a limited income over greater expenses. They are also sometimes dealing with debt and some refinancing. For those able to save, it is helpful to start a habit of regular saving, even if it is a smaller amount for a while.
5. Close all joint accounts. I didn't really agree with the original article's explanation of this point. I do agree that joint accounts should be closed, but that really should happen (by agreement or court order) during the divorce. The original article mentioned selling off some assets, but that should be done only if it does not violate a court order or legal responsibility; in other words, check with your lawyer before doing that. A prudent person would also check with a financial advisor to consider tax consequences of the sales.
6. Educate yourself about money. " Remember that managing your finances is an ongoing process. Another useful tip from Barbara Shapiro is to 'empower yourself by reading, taking classes and talking to your financial advisor, especially if you weren’t the one managing your finances before the divorce.' Craig Hyldahl agrees that there must be 'ongoing monitoring and constant contact between clients and financial advisors.' By keeping track of how your expenses, income and investments grow or change over time, you’ll be in a better position to make financial decisions."
This is good advice. There are lots of free resources on the Internet which can be helpful, but using a local financial professional will be a good investment.
7. Don't panic. "Probably the most important thing to keep in mind is don’t panic. 'You’re probably dealing with the largest lump sum you’re going to get along with the most stressful time in your life,' says Hyldahl, so avoid the tendency to feel overwhelmed. Take your time; make sure you have all the financial records you need; don’t hire a financial advisor until you’ve asked a lot of questions and established mutual goals and trust. Try not to spend more than you need to until you’ve got a firm financial plan in place."
The comment about a lump sum only applies in a limited number of cases. Whatever your situation, the advice to not panic is still important. Take your time. Take a deep breath. Think before you act. Get professional help. You need to come up with a comprehensive financial plan, but keep in mind that it will change over time, so be flexible.
"And finally, it’s important to remember you’re not alone. 'While it's natural to fear whether you'll be able to take care of yourself financially speaking, don't for a minute think you are alone in that concern,' writes Manisha Thakor. 'A whopping 70 percent of Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck and that cuts across income spectrums.' As you begin your new life, stay informed, positive and proactive when it comes to your finances and your situation will most likely continue to improve."
Categories: Blog
Child Support and Professional Athletes: Finding a Better Solution
Professional athletes, like other parents, have to deal with child support issues when they don't live with the other parent of their children. Whether the issue arises in a divorce or in a paternity case, or in a suit to modify a prior order for child support, there are special circumstances that need to be considered. Professional baseball, football and basketball players often have child support cases in Texas. There are also some hockey and soccer players as well. Professional athletes can incur significant obligations for child support and must make sure an appropriate amount is ordered. The obligations can go up to 18 years or more, so there is a substantial amount of money at stake for a long time. In addition, the mothers of their children sometimes have special concerns, as well, that need to be addressed.
Because of the unique nature of their employment and because of their often high profiles in the community, professional athletes in Major League Baseball, the NFL, NBA, NHL, soccer leagues and various minor leagues, are probably better served by using Collaborative Law to resolve their family law issues, especially related to child support. Collaborative Law provides a private, respectful and creative environment for solving family problems. It provides a means to create unique solutions and not have everything exposed to the press.
1. How does the process start? To use the Collaborative process, both parties must hired trained Collaborative attorneys. Parents should get some understanding of how the Collaborative process works (I won't go into detail about that here). If it seems like it could work, then the parties should contact Collaborative attorneys near where they live. I normally recommend bringing in a neutral mental health professional who acts as a communication facilitator and a neutral financial professional who works with both sides providing analysis, tax information and projections, among other things. Using both other professionals makes the process work more efficiently and more effectively, as well as being more comfortable for everyone.
2. Determining paternity. If the parties have not been married, a DNA test is usually done so there is no question later about paternity, even in cases where both parties are certain about parentage. If there is a possible question of paternity, then the DNA test is essential. The alleged father must take the test in a timely manner, either by agreement or by court order. Failure to submit a DNA sample can be a reason to be found to be the father. DNA testing is quick, painless and very accurate.
3. What if a letter about possible paternity and child support comes from the Texas Attorney General? If you receive a letter, or get served with papers, from the A.G.'s office, you need to contact your attorney right away. Failure to respond might result in you being named the father of the child, even without a DNA test. Again, you need to immediately discuss the situation with an attorney.
4. How is child support set? In a Collaborative case, the support is probably going to be set based on the needs of the child(ren) and the goals of the parties regarding how the children are going to be raised. In a litigated child support case, the approach is a little more rigid. Each state has a different system and the federal government is very active in pushing collection of child support, but the feds don't yet have a uniform system of setting support for all the states. In Texas, support is calculated from the parent's net income resources. Usually, the support is 20% for one child and 25% for two children, for example, but the state statute allows some variation based on a long list of factors. In addition, if the parent has multiple children by different mothers or fathers, the calculation is different. It is best to visit with an attorney to figure out the possible child support.
5. What are some of the complications? The following are some of the factors that exist and make Collaborative Law the preferable means of resolving the issues.
Because of the unique nature of their employment and because of their often high profiles in the community, professional athletes in Major League Baseball, the NFL, NBA, NHL, soccer leagues and various minor leagues, are probably better served by using Collaborative Law to resolve their family law issues, especially related to child support. Collaborative Law provides a private, respectful and creative environment for solving family problems. It provides a means to create unique solutions and not have everything exposed to the press.
1. How does the process start? To use the Collaborative process, both parties must hired trained Collaborative attorneys. Parents should get some understanding of how the Collaborative process works (I won't go into detail about that here). If it seems like it could work, then the parties should contact Collaborative attorneys near where they live. I normally recommend bringing in a neutral mental health professional who acts as a communication facilitator and a neutral financial professional who works with both sides providing analysis, tax information and projections, among other things. Using both other professionals makes the process work more efficiently and more effectively, as well as being more comfortable for everyone.
2. Determining paternity. If the parties have not been married, a DNA test is usually done so there is no question later about paternity, even in cases where both parties are certain about parentage. If there is a possible question of paternity, then the DNA test is essential. The alleged father must take the test in a timely manner, either by agreement or by court order. Failure to submit a DNA sample can be a reason to be found to be the father. DNA testing is quick, painless and very accurate.
3. What if a letter about possible paternity and child support comes from the Texas Attorney General? If you receive a letter, or get served with papers, from the A.G.'s office, you need to contact your attorney right away. Failure to respond might result in you being named the father of the child, even without a DNA test. Again, you need to immediately discuss the situation with an attorney.
4. How is child support set? In a Collaborative case, the support is probably going to be set based on the needs of the child(ren) and the goals of the parties regarding how the children are going to be raised. In a litigated child support case, the approach is a little more rigid. Each state has a different system and the federal government is very active in pushing collection of child support, but the feds don't yet have a uniform system of setting support for all the states. In Texas, support is calculated from the parent's net income resources. Usually, the support is 20% for one child and 25% for two children, for example, but the state statute allows some variation based on a long list of factors. In addition, if the parent has multiple children by different mothers or fathers, the calculation is different. It is best to visit with an attorney to figure out the possible child support.
5. What are some of the complications? The following are some of the factors that exist and make Collaborative Law the preferable means of resolving the issues.
- Few professional athletes have truly guaranteed contracts. Even when large contracts are signed, payments may be deferred and salary may not be guaranteed. Some contracts have a lot of incentives, which perpetuates uncertainty.
- Minor league players make a lot less than major league players and also are subject to significant uncertainty. They may never make it to the big leagues and should pay support based on their actual income, but there could be some creative arrangements to increase the support if the player gets called up to the big leagues.
- A player can have sudden changes in income from such factors as injury, getting cut, sitting on the bench and having the next contract reduced, or retirement.
- Another complication, although a good one to have, is the possibility of having a high income at some points in a career.
- Most professional athletes have a relatively short career, so child support based on a high income should be able to be adjusted.
- There may a difficulty in setting an appropriate amount of child support when income is very high. In litigation, the child support would be based on provable needs above the standard amounts of support. In Collaborative Law, other standards and goals could be used to establish the level of support.
- Both parties would likely want to avoid publicity and keep their financial affairs out of the public eye. In addition, unfavorable publicity for the athlete can adversely affect the athlete's ability to pick up endorsements and secondary income. Collaborative Law allows the parties to keep the issues and facts private.
- If a child has special needs, they can easily be addressed through the Collaborative process.
- If the parents don't get along very well, working with the neutral mental health specialist in the case might lead to some improvement in attitude and cooperation between the parents.
- If the athlete becomes disabled, the Collaborative process can provide an appropriate way to adjust the support.
- Some athletes play for pro teams overseas and that leads to a number of complications, including the cost of living overseas, what expenses may be reimbursed, the uncertainty of payment and the length of the contract, among other things.
6. What can be done? I recommend the parties use Collaborative Law. It is a private process which is controlled by the parties who are assisted by appropriate experts. No order is signed unless the parties agree on it. The system is focused on the underlying goals and needs of the parties and it produces creative new solutions to the problems mentioned above. The first step is to locate and meet with an attorney trained in Collaborative Law. It is the best solution for both the parents and the children who are involved.
Categories: Blog
How to Minimize Frustration in a Divorce
Divorce can be a very frustrating experience. Everyone has expectations about the process and has desires about the outcome. The parties to a divorce often feel isolated and feel like they have no control over what's happening. Well-meaning family and friends often get involved and do what they can to support the husband or wife. Unfortunately, some of their efforts may intensify feelings of frustration that a party may be feeling. A little more understanding of some of the circumstances of what's happening in a divorce may help avoid or at least minimize frustration for the parties to the divorce.
Everyone should recognize that they have some control over their own feelings, but can't control the feelings of others. Spouses get upset, friends and family members get upset and even the attorneys, judge and court personnel may get upset in a given case. A party going through a divorce has enough concerns taking care of himself or herself, without adding the responsibility of keeping everyone else happy. Here are some typical sources of frustration and some suggestions for what can be done to minimize the stress from them.
Everyone should recognize that they have some control over their own feelings, but can't control the feelings of others. Spouses get upset, friends and family members get upset and even the attorneys, judge and court personnel may get upset in a given case. A party going through a divorce has enough concerns taking care of himself or herself, without adding the responsibility of keeping everyone else happy. Here are some typical sources of frustration and some suggestions for what can be done to minimize the stress from them.
1. Your spouse. One of the biggest sources of complaints during a divorce is often your spouse. Go figure! If your spouse was already one who freely complained during your marriage, that will probably continue throughout the divorce. If (s)he was big into blaming, it will continue and may increase, and guess who the target of the blame will be. Probably not him or her. So, what can you do?
- Tune out your spouse. Don't listen when (s)he is complaining or blaming. Walk away, hang up the phone and don't read messages if you reach the point where everything is negative and blaming. Avoid any discussions in person, and maybe in other forms as well, if the talks always seem to lead to arguments, blame, scapegoating -- negative attacks on you and others. You may be getting divorced, at least in part, for this very problem, so help yourself by staying out of the situation that drives you crazy.
- Get counseling to learn coping skills or ways to avoid the situations. You don't have to be crazy to benefit from counseling. In fact, counselors can help you keep your sanity and not get upset by what's going on. You're probably dealing with a situation that you have never experienced before and most people don't just naturally have the ability to deal with the stress. Get some help!
- Talk with your attorney about the frustrations and try to work out solutions to the issues complained of or have your attorney help you avoid the discussions. Sometimes understanding what's going on in your case can help reduce anxiety. Working out a plan with your attorney, based on your needs and interests, can also give you more comfort.
2. Your attorney. Unfortunately, one of the biggest complaints clients have is a lack of communication with their attorney. Many attorneys stay very busy and sometimes they just are not available when a client wants/needs to talk with them. What can you do about that?
- Have a good understanding with your attorney from the outset about what your communication needs are and what the attorney can do. Your attorney may know that (s)he will be unavailable at certain times because of other obligations. Since your problems, needs and concerns don't shut off on a schedule, have a "Plan B" worked out with the attorney so you can get help from his/her office. Find out your attorney's communication style and abilities in advance. Equally important, let your attorney know about your expectations and needs as well. Get to know the attorney's staff -- they can be very helpful and are usually much more available than the attorney.
- Adjust your expectations. Yes, you are paying a lot of money for legal representation, but you are not the only client with needs and your attorney may try to maintain some sort of personal life outside of work. It's unrealistic to expect an attorney to be at your beck and call 24/7, but you should be able to find out what is realistic for your attorney. You should be able to get in contact with someone from the attorney's office with a minimal delay. Talking with a staff member is often the best solution.
3. The other attorney. Parties to a divorce often become very critical of the attorney representing their spouse. Sometimes the attorney is rude or inconsiderate. Sometimes the attorney is just doing his/her job. Most of the time, the attorney is acting appropriately for the other side. What can you do about this?
- Adjust your attitude. The other attorney is acting on information provided by your spouse and is trying to help your spouse meet his/her goals and needs. It's not surprising that you wouldn't be happy about what the other attorney does or says. You need to expect the other attorney to act contrary to you interests. Don't take it personally.
- Talk to your attorney about it if you think the other attorney is really out of line. Sometimes an attorney may go to far in advocating for a client, but most likely the attorney is acting properly. It's hard to accept that if some of the attorney's comments are critical of you or are in conflict with how you want things to go. Your attorney can help you understand the situation. Knowing to expect the unfavorable comments or strategies may help reduce your frustrations.
4. What others say. In every divorce there is a group of invisible, but vocal, advisers in the background. Sometimes they are out in the open. They try to help out by giving you advice and support. Their support sometimes takes the form of attacking your spouse, your spouse's family and friends, the attorneys and/or the court system. Some of the "others" may have had previous divorce experience or have some other specialized knowledge or experience that they want to share with you. The problem is that each case is different and the "others" will not know all the details of your case, so their advice may be inappropriate, even if well-intentioned. What should you do?
- Talk to your attorney about what you are hearing. There may be some useful information, but let your attorney help you figure out what helps and what you should ignore. Don't get worked up about what you hear until you talk with your attorney. The advice you receive is often very wrong.
- Tune out a lot of the chatter. Ultimately, you may have to just not pay attention to these well-meaning advisers. If they're giving you wrong information, you can appreciate their concern, but not follow their advice. Often such advice gets in the way of following through with the strategy your attorney had worked out.
5. The judge and the legal process. Sometimes it may seem like you are fighting the judge who seems to be on your spouse's side. Sometimes it seems like the whole legal system is messed up. In almost every case, it moves much slower than at least one party wants, and it sometimes moves much faster than one of the parties wants.
- Recognize that the judge and other court personnel have rules and procedures they must follow. They also have responsibilities for many other parties who are involved in cases in the court system. You need to accept the fact that the judge probably won't agree with you on a lot of things and won't see everything from just your perspective. In the best of cases, you want the judge to understand your case and see both your and your spouse's points of view. You would prefer that the judge ultimately agree with you, but you must be realistic.
- Don't assume certain outcomes or motives. Talk with your attorney about what to expect. Your attorney should be able to explain how the legal process works so that you can determine whether it is operating within normal bounds.
6. When it seems like everything is going in favor of your spouse. That is a common, but mistaken, feeling. It comes from focusing on all the issues that are decided in favor of your spouse and ignoring or discounting the issues decided in your favor. It often results from ignoring the big picture and focusing on just the negative and the small items. This feeling is often made worse by the invisible chorus in the background who may start complaining that everything is going in your spouse's favor. When you start to feel this way, what can you do?
- Focus on the big picture. Think about the major issues. If you get awarded the majority of a retirement plan, but your spouse gets a large number of low-value items, don't start thinking everything is going your spouse's way. Keep things in perspective.
- Talk to your attorney about your concerns. The attorney can remind you of your "victories" and help you be realistic. Ultimately, it comes down to whether you attain your highest level or most important goals. Don't let yourself get down just because your spouse is prevailing on some issues.
- Be realistic in what you want. You will be unsuccessful if your requests are way out of line. A judge is unlikely, in most cases, to give most of the assets to one party and the debts to the other, unless there are special factors. A judge will normally establish standard visitation and child support for children, no matter how mad you may be (justified or not) at your spouse. You will surely be disappointed if you are unrealistic. Your attorney can help you develop appropriate requests and goals.
A common response you may have noticed is to discuss these concerns with your attorney. That is the single best thing you can do. If you don't raise the issue with your attorney, and don't take action to deal with the problems, you may become overwhelmed by frustration. Help yourself by recognizing the situation and getting help.
Categories: Blog
You Gotta Ask Yourself, "Do I Feel Lucky Today?"
Clint Eastwood, in his Dirty Harry movie, had the famous line about whether you feel lucky, ..."you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? " Luck is, of course, relative. What's lucky for you may have a bad effect for someone else. Many people believe that you make your own luck and that luck is a result of preparation and effort. It's also interesting how some people have the attitude that all they have is bad luck, while others expect to have good luck. The reality probably matches the expectation.
Today's date, besides being an interesting combination of numbers, 08-08-08, is considered a very lucky day in China. Is it an accident that the Olympics begins on a lucky day or was the Chinese Olympic Committee making their own luck? I guess we'll know the answer in about two weeks.
Evidently, many Chinese believe that they can also make their lives luckier by getting married on August 8, 2008. There was a extraordinary number of marriage ceremonies scheduled for today. Maybe we should have tried that in the U.S.
Actually, there are probably a lot of things that can be done to improve your chances of success in marriage. Good communication, respect and maturity go a long way to establishing and maintaining a good marital relationship. Willingness to work hard to maintain the relationship is essential.
Many things can come into the relationship to cause problems, though, so the parties must be willing to work out solutions. Sometimes issues come up which can't be satisfactorily resolved. In those cases, the best option may be divorce, but it should not be a quick decision to leave a marriage. Aside from the good aspects of marriage that are lost, the costs of divorce can be enormous emotionally, financially and physically.
It's fine to pick a "lucky day" to get married, but it takes more than luck to stay married. Any decision to end a marriage should be made carefully and after a great deal of consideration, and it's not unusual to have second thoughts. Unless there is an emergency or safety issue, I recommend that you take time to consider your options and think about whether there are other possibilities for saving the marriage.
To a large extent, I agree that you make your own luck and you can make or break your own marriage. If you work continuously to preserve and improve your marriage, you will have a better chance of success. Of course, it take two to make a marriage, so if your spouse isn't interested in staying married, you need to change course and get ready to move on.
Categories: Blog
5 Smart Parenting Tips for the Back-to-School Season
Around the first of August, parents start to get excited about the upcoming school year, and we know why. Some kids actually look forward to starting back to school, usually not for the homework, but for the chance for social activities and to see their friends. Some people are happy all the time, but a much larger group gets more energized as we get closer to the start of school. Since Texas (and many other states) have pushed back the start date for school, there is now more time to get emotionally and otherwise prepared for school. To help parents and children fill their time before school starts, here are five smart parenting tips to try out now.
1. Take advantage of the tax-free weekend. Texas and several other states have set up a weekend (August 15-17 this year) where no sales tax is collected for clothing, shoes and school supplies, among other things. It can save a lot of money for parents because stores usually have a lot of sales then as well. Parents can really stretch their funds if they plan ahead and shop on the tax-free weekend.
2. Coordinate end of summer travel. There is actually more travel time in the summer since the legislature moved back the start date for public schools. Parents should work together to make sure the children get into all the camps and programs they want and there is still time for family vacations. In addition, this summer, with higher gasoline prices, many families have decided to have stay-at-home vacations where they do local sightseeing. That is uncharted territory for many families who are not really familiar with what their hometown offers. In Fort Worth, for example, we have several major museums, including the Amon Carter, Kimbell, Modern, Cowgirl, Sid Richardson and Civil War, along with many interesting smaller museums. The Fort Worth Cats provide inexpensive, but comfortable and fun, entertainment at LaGrave Field, and they've won three straight league championships. The Texas Rangers provide comfortable and fun entertainment in Arlington.
3. Communicate with the other parent. A simple statement, it is nevertheless really hard for many parents to do. Communication involves sending (speaking, writing, emailing, etc.) and receiving (listening) messages and understanding what was conveyed. Life can be a lot better when the parents are talking and listening with each other and coordinating plans instead of trying to put their children in the middle of a tug of war. Theoretically, it is not hard to tell the other parent about plans for summer activity or sports classes, school schedules, start of the school year activities, kids' work plans, car/transportation issues, and sports and other extra-curricular activities. The trick is to talk with each other (respectfully) before your knee starts jerking. The knee-jerk reaction is to either ignore or tune out the other parent while mentally revisiting past arguments. A lot of problems can be avoided when the parties just talk with each other on a regular basis and share what's going on with their child.
4. Cooperate on health issues. At this time of year, parents learn about, or remember, needing to get physicals, dental exams, shots and medicine for their kids. The month of August is often difficult for scheduling medical or dental appointments. Parents should work together to get the appointments made as early as possible and they should be flexible in scheduling their time with the children. Both parents should be willing to take the kids to doctor's appointments, etc. Neither parent should engage in "offensive scheduling" -- trying to schedule appointments to disrupt the other parent's plans or to create scheduling problems or deplete the other parent's time with the children. Parents should play fair and share the commitment to obtain whatever is needed to start the school year.
5. Leave a week's cushion just before school starts. Don't schedule much for the last week before school starts. There will always be last-minute issues that will require immediate and sustained attention. New requirements will be discovered and plans will change. Don't plan to take the kids out of town that last week. They need to be rested and adjusted to the schedule they will be following during the school year. It's a good idea to start to impose the bed time and wake-up schedule of the school year so that the kids get used to it.
If parents will try out these simple ideas, they will find the month of August to be more peaceful, fun and productive for themselves and the children.
1. Take advantage of the tax-free weekend. Texas and several other states have set up a weekend (August 15-17 this year) where no sales tax is collected for clothing, shoes and school supplies, among other things. It can save a lot of money for parents because stores usually have a lot of sales then as well. Parents can really stretch their funds if they plan ahead and shop on the tax-free weekend.
2. Coordinate end of summer travel. There is actually more travel time in the summer since the legislature moved back the start date for public schools. Parents should work together to make sure the children get into all the camps and programs they want and there is still time for family vacations. In addition, this summer, with higher gasoline prices, many families have decided to have stay-at-home vacations where they do local sightseeing. That is uncharted territory for many families who are not really familiar with what their hometown offers. In Fort Worth, for example, we have several major museums, including the Amon Carter, Kimbell, Modern, Cowgirl, Sid Richardson and Civil War, along with many interesting smaller museums. The Fort Worth Cats provide inexpensive, but comfortable and fun, entertainment at LaGrave Field, and they've won three straight league championships. The Texas Rangers provide comfortable and fun entertainment in Arlington.
3. Communicate with the other parent. A simple statement, it is nevertheless really hard for many parents to do. Communication involves sending (speaking, writing, emailing, etc.) and receiving (listening) messages and understanding what was conveyed. Life can be a lot better when the parents are talking and listening with each other and coordinating plans instead of trying to put their children in the middle of a tug of war. Theoretically, it is not hard to tell the other parent about plans for summer activity or sports classes, school schedules, start of the school year activities, kids' work plans, car/transportation issues, and sports and other extra-curricular activities. The trick is to talk with each other (respectfully) before your knee starts jerking. The knee-jerk reaction is to either ignore or tune out the other parent while mentally revisiting past arguments. A lot of problems can be avoided when the parties just talk with each other on a regular basis and share what's going on with their child.
4. Cooperate on health issues. At this time of year, parents learn about, or remember, needing to get physicals, dental exams, shots and medicine for their kids. The month of August is often difficult for scheduling medical or dental appointments. Parents should work together to get the appointments made as early as possible and they should be flexible in scheduling their time with the children. Both parents should be willing to take the kids to doctor's appointments, etc. Neither parent should engage in "offensive scheduling" -- trying to schedule appointments to disrupt the other parent's plans or to create scheduling problems or deplete the other parent's time with the children. Parents should play fair and share the commitment to obtain whatever is needed to start the school year.
5. Leave a week's cushion just before school starts. Don't schedule much for the last week before school starts. There will always be last-minute issues that will require immediate and sustained attention. New requirements will be discovered and plans will change. Don't plan to take the kids out of town that last week. They need to be rested and adjusted to the schedule they will be following during the school year. It's a good idea to start to impose the bed time and wake-up schedule of the school year so that the kids get used to it.
If parents will try out these simple ideas, they will find the month of August to be more peaceful, fun and productive for themselves and the children.
Categories: Blog
8 Reasons Why You Should Get A Prenuptial Agreement
Thanks to Michael Sherman's Alabama Family Law Blog, I saw a great post that originated in the Prenuptial Agreements blog. That blog is obviously very specialized and seems to cover the subject from many different angles. I recommend that anyone thinking about a prenuptial agreement read through the various posts on different aspects of prenuptial agreements. The following is the post that originally appeared in the Prenuptial Agreements blog.
"A prenuptial agreement is an agreement between two people that deals with the financial consequences of their marriage ending.
All marrying couples have a 'prenuptial agreement' - it is known as 'divorce law.' However, a lot of people are unhappy with the way divorce law works, and prefer to take control of their lives, rather than leave it in the hands of the government. In these cases, it makes a lot of sense to get a customized prenup.
Getting a prenuptial agreement is particularly important in these 8 cases:
1. You are much wealthier than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your partner is marrying you for who you are, and not for your money.
2. You earn much more than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can be used in many states to limit the amount of alimony that is payable.
3. You are remarrying. When you remarry, your legal and financial concerns are often very different than in your first marriage. You may have children from a previous marriage, support obligations, and own a home or other significant assets. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that when you pass away, your assets are distributed according to your wishes, and that neither your first family, nor your new family are cut off.
4. Your partner has a high debt load. If you are marrying someone with a significant debt load, and don't want to be responsible for these debts if your marriage ends, then a prenuptial agreement can help ensure that this does not happen.
5. You own part of a business. Without a prenuptial agreement, when your marriage ends, your spouse could end up owning a share of your business. Your business partners may not want this to happen. A prenup can ensure that your spouse does not become an unwanted partner in your business.
6. To prevent your spouse from overturning your estate plan. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that you estate plan works, and, for instance, ensure that a specific heirloom remains in your family.
7. You are much poorer than your partner. Just as a prenuptial agreement can be used to protect a spouse who is well off, a prenup can also be used to ensure that the partner who is weaker financially is protected.
8. If you plan to quit your job to raise children. Quitting your job will negatively impact your income and your wealth. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that the financial burden of raising the children is shared fairly by both partners."
If any of these situations apply, you should contact an attorney right away to discuss whether a prenuptial agreement is advantageous in your situation. There are many considerations to make in deciding whether to pursue or oppose an agreement, but the presence of one of these conditions should make you stop and think about the possibility of negotiating an agreement. Even discussing the issue with your fiance can lead to hurt feelings and stress at a sometimes very difficult time in your life, so proceed cautiously. But do consider taking action for the reasons listed above. If you don't act in time, you can always consider a post-nuptial agreement, but that might be harder to get your new spouse to agree to. The best course is to act before you get married.
"A prenuptial agreement is an agreement between two people that deals with the financial consequences of their marriage ending.
All marrying couples have a 'prenuptial agreement' - it is known as 'divorce law.' However, a lot of people are unhappy with the way divorce law works, and prefer to take control of their lives, rather than leave it in the hands of the government. In these cases, it makes a lot of sense to get a customized prenup.
Getting a prenuptial agreement is particularly important in these 8 cases:
1. You are much wealthier than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your partner is marrying you for who you are, and not for your money.
2. You earn much more than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can be used in many states to limit the amount of alimony that is payable.
3. You are remarrying. When you remarry, your legal and financial concerns are often very different than in your first marriage. You may have children from a previous marriage, support obligations, and own a home or other significant assets. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that when you pass away, your assets are distributed according to your wishes, and that neither your first family, nor your new family are cut off.
4. Your partner has a high debt load. If you are marrying someone with a significant debt load, and don't want to be responsible for these debts if your marriage ends, then a prenuptial agreement can help ensure that this does not happen.
5. You own part of a business. Without a prenuptial agreement, when your marriage ends, your spouse could end up owning a share of your business. Your business partners may not want this to happen. A prenup can ensure that your spouse does not become an unwanted partner in your business.
6. To prevent your spouse from overturning your estate plan. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that you estate plan works, and, for instance, ensure that a specific heirloom remains in your family.
7. You are much poorer than your partner. Just as a prenuptial agreement can be used to protect a spouse who is well off, a prenup can also be used to ensure that the partner who is weaker financially is protected.
8. If you plan to quit your job to raise children. Quitting your job will negatively impact your income and your wealth. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that the financial burden of raising the children is shared fairly by both partners."
If any of these situations apply, you should contact an attorney right away to discuss whether a prenuptial agreement is advantageous in your situation. There are many considerations to make in deciding whether to pursue or oppose an agreement, but the presence of one of these conditions should make you stop and think about the possibility of negotiating an agreement. Even discussing the issue with your fiance can lead to hurt feelings and stress at a sometimes very difficult time in your life, so proceed cautiously. But do consider taking action for the reasons listed above. If you don't act in time, you can always consider a post-nuptial agreement, but that might be harder to get your new spouse to agree to. The best course is to act before you get married.
Categories: Blog
Engagements Should be Taken Seriously!
A Florida court has recently accepted a jury verdict awarding a woman $150,000.00 against her former fiance who had ended their engagement. Here is a link to the story. Apparently, the woman had given up a high paying job and made other sacrifices to move the the city in Florida where her fiance lived. The verdict was somewhat unusual because engagements are broken off all the time and there's rarely any litigation over it. The promise to marry is not usually the basis for a good law suit. The ex-fiance plans to appeal, so we'll have to wait a while for the final word.
Categories: Blog
Why Parents Fight Over Custody -- 20 Quick Reasons
Custody fights occur probably more frequently than they need to during divorces. Many factors and forces come into play and result in litigation over child custody. Here are some of the common reasons why parents may engage in a custody fight. Anyone going through a divorce and contemplating a custody fight should take some time to realistically assess their motivation and the probability of success in a custody fight. If you are thinking about beginning a custody fight, take a minute and look at the following list. Mark the reason or reasons for your consideration of a custody fight. Dig below the surface and be honest! Think about which reasons are really good and appropriate reasons for contesting custody.
1. The parent has a sincere belief that he/she is the better parent.
2. A wife may want to avoid the embarrassment of being a mother who doesn't have custody of her child.
3. The parent may be really mad at the other parent, often on an issue not at all related to kids. It's a way to really demonstrate anger and get a response.
4. One parent may use the fight to punish the other parent. It's an opportunity to say some really bad and hurtful things about the other spouse. It may seem like an easy way to get revenge.
5. It can be an easy way to control the other parent. Getting started in a custody fight usually involves a great deal of court or agency oversight. Just making some allegations will produce a "lock-down" approach where severe restrictions can be imposed on the other party.
6. A custody fight, or even the threat of one, can help a parent gain a strategic concession on some other issue, i.e. property division. The reward for giving up a custody fight (even one that was surely a loser) may be some substantial assets given up by the other parent.
7. Amazingly, some parents will try to win custody primarily to avoid paying child support. Those parents obviously have not been very involved in raising kids.
8. Sometimes, there's a fight because a parent doesn't like the proposed visitation scheme. That's a "nothing to lose" approach. If the visitation schedule won't work, maybe having custody will.
9. The parent can't imagine being away from the child.
10. Family pressure may provoke a custody fight where a parent might not have tried it if the parent had been left alone.
11. Religious reasons, i.e. how the child is to be raised, may be the motivation of a deeply committed parent if the other parent does not share the beliefs or depth of beliefs of the first parent.
12. Mental or emotional issues of the parent wanting custody may lead to the action. Sometimes, a parent does not view the world in the same way that most of society does. A person with a maladjusted point of view may feel compelled to seek custody when objective and well-grounded parents would not.
13. A desire to maintain an active parenting role could be the motivation. Of course, there are many different ways to be an active, involved parent.
14. When there's a strong disagreement about the care-taking plans for the child, a custody fight can easily develop.
15. A parent may seek custody if there is a belief that the parent has superior resources for taking care of the child, i.e. the parent has more money and can afford to provide a better home, better schools and better opportunities for the child.
16. A mom may believe that the mother should always have custody.
17. A parent may believe that the child is more bonded to one of the parents.
18. The custody fight may just be an effort to financially ruin the other spouse.
19. Trying to win custody may be an effort to avoid having the child around the other spouse's family.
20. Sometimes, one parent may just enjoy fighting with the other parent.
Which of these is your motivation? Which ones do you think are good reasons for a custody fight? I think 1, 8, 11, 13, 14, 15 and 17 are appropriate reasons in some circumstances. What do you think? In addition to the costs involved, think about what your true, underlying reasons are for seeking custody. There may be some much better long-term alternatives available which you and your attorney can come up with.
1. The parent has a sincere belief that he/she is the better parent.
2. A wife may want to avoid the embarrassment of being a mother who doesn't have custody of her child.
3. The parent may be really mad at the other parent, often on an issue not at all related to kids. It's a way to really demonstrate anger and get a response.
4. One parent may use the fight to punish the other parent. It's an opportunity to say some really bad and hurtful things about the other spouse. It may seem like an easy way to get revenge.
5. It can be an easy way to control the other parent. Getting started in a custody fight usually involves a great deal of court or agency oversight. Just making some allegations will produce a "lock-down" approach where severe restrictions can be imposed on the other party.
6. A custody fight, or even the threat of one, can help a parent gain a strategic concession on some other issue, i.e. property division. The reward for giving up a custody fight (even one that was surely a loser) may be some substantial assets given up by the other parent.
7. Amazingly, some parents will try to win custody primarily to avoid paying child support. Those parents obviously have not been very involved in raising kids.
8. Sometimes, there's a fight because a parent doesn't like the proposed visitation scheme. That's a "nothing to lose" approach. If the visitation schedule won't work, maybe having custody will.
9. The parent can't imagine being away from the child.
10. Family pressure may provoke a custody fight where a parent might not have tried it if the parent had been left alone.
11. Religious reasons, i.e. how the child is to be raised, may be the motivation of a deeply committed parent if the other parent does not share the beliefs or depth of beliefs of the first parent.
12. Mental or emotional issues of the parent wanting custody may lead to the action. Sometimes, a parent does not view the world in the same way that most of society does. A person with a maladjusted point of view may feel compelled to seek custody when objective and well-grounded parents would not.
13. A desire to maintain an active parenting role could be the motivation. Of course, there are many different ways to be an active, involved parent.
14. When there's a strong disagreement about the care-taking plans for the child, a custody fight can easily develop.
15. A parent may seek custody if there is a belief that the parent has superior resources for taking care of the child, i.e. the parent has more money and can afford to provide a better home, better schools and better opportunities for the child.
16. A mom may believe that the mother should always have custody.
17. A parent may believe that the child is more bonded to one of the parents.
18. The custody fight may just be an effort to financially ruin the other spouse.
19. Trying to win custody may be an effort to avoid having the child around the other spouse's family.
20. Sometimes, one parent may just enjoy fighting with the other parent.
Which of these is your motivation? Which ones do you think are good reasons for a custody fight? I think 1, 8, 11, 13, 14, 15 and 17 are appropriate reasons in some circumstances. What do you think? In addition to the costs involved, think about what your true, underlying reasons are for seeking custody. There may be some much better long-term alternatives available which you and your attorney can come up with.
Categories: Blog
Untraditional Custody Plans
A small article in the July 6, 2008 Parade magazine had some interesting comments about fathers' roles with their children after a divorce. The story mentioned the obvious, that many fathers lose contact with their children after a divorce and that most fathers are given the right to see their children two weekends a month and a few hours during the week. The Texas standard possession schedule is actually more generous than what Parade mentioned, but it still constitutes a huge change for those fathers who are used to seeing and interacting with their children every day.
There were two alternatives mentioned in the article that were interesting. One, which is becoming more common, is to have equal time. It used to be that judges would never consider that. Now, however, there seems to be more openness to such an approach. "Equal time" is easy to discuss in the abstract, but can be complicated when day care, homework, school activities and extra-curricular activities are factored in. Sometimes, religious activities also complicate matters. It's probably too early to say that there is a consensus that such a time sharing is good or bad for the kids or that both parents like the arrangement. Trying such an approach would require a lot of cooperation and maturity with the parents. Living close together would also be helpful. If parents really think they want to try to share time equally, they would be well advised to bring in a child specialist who could help them work through the practical details and adjustments that would be required for success.
Another possibility is to set a proportionate schedule where each parent has the children about the same amount of time that they were with the children when the couple was together. Of course, there are some potential difficulties with that approach. The parties would need to live near each other, preferably in the same school district, so there wouldn't be much travel time. Another complication is when one or both parents change jobs, or start working, which could affect the time availability for the parents. Also, a parent may not have been able to spend much time with the children for a period just before the separation, but now is able and wanting to spend more time with the children.
A complication under both approaches is how to handle child support. Sometimes, with equal time, neither party pays child support; many such parents refuse to pay child support because the other parent does not have "primary possession" of the children. In other cases, child support is figured for each parent and then the higher-income parent pays the difference (or half the difference) in the two amounts to the other parent.
Other issues to be resolved include the right to the tax exemptions for the children and the right to make certain essential decisions, such as medical care and education, for the children.
How to be a successful custody innovator:
1. Don't limit yourself to preconceived ideas or standard approaches.
2. At the same time, even though a particular plan may have worked for someone you know, don't assume that it will automatically work for you.
3. The parents must communicate well with each other for a major time-sharing arrangement to work.
4. Parents must be willing to live near each other and have a lot of contact after the divorce.
5. Counseling or co-parenting classes can help foster the right parental attitudes.
6. Parents probably need to consult with a child specialist to work out the details, especially if they try something really exotic. Keep in mind the children's ages and emotional development.
7. Always check with your attorney to find out if your judge is likely to accept what you are proposing.
Hopefully, you will come up with an appropriate, effective, comfortable plan for sharing time with your children in a less stressful and more supportive atmosphere for them.
Categories: Blog
Divorce Lawyers Styles: Pit Bulls, Lambs and Foxes
Thanks to the mention by Stephen Worrell of the Georgia Family Law Blog, I saw Michael Sherman's post on the different styles of attorneys that are involved in family law cases. I have previously written on how some people do themselves a disservice by searching for "the meanest" lawyer in town, instead of looking for the most knowledgeable, experienced or effective lawyer for the particular type of case. Anyway, the following is Michael's original post, with an introduction by Stephen. As you will see, Michael has done a great job discussing the merits of each style of lawyering. It is interesting, and not surprising, that some people react the same way to family stress, whether they live in Atlanta, Mobile or Fort Worth.
"Michael Sherman of the Alabama Family Law Blog has posted a truly insightful article about the different styles of divorce attorneys. Like Michael, I am frequently asked by prospective divorce clients if I will be aggressive... or a pit bull... or a shark. They phrase it differently. But, many folks facing divorce think that what they need is the most aggressive divorce lawyer in Marietta, or Atlanta or in Georgia (or whatever jurisdiction they happen to be in).
Here is Michael's article:"
"In my years of divorce practice I have seen lots of lawyers handle divorce cases. There are as many different styles as there are different lawyers. But, I have also noticed three recurring styles of lawyer in particular. I call them the lamb, the pit bull and the fox.
"The lamb is the lawyer that just sort of goes with the flow. They are reactive, not proactive. They want to avoid confrontation at all costs and that means they also want to avoid going to court at all costs, even if it means convincing their clients to settle for significantly worse terms than they should. The lamb may even be afraid to try the divorce case. He will rarely, if ever, tell his client that he should not sign a settlement offer that is being extended from the other side even if that offer is clearly inequitable. Thankfully, there are not a lot of lambs that last very long as divorce lawyers.
"Much more prevalent is the pit bull, who is exactly the opposite. They hate to settle cases. In fact, some of them won’t do anything proactive to try to settle their divorce cases. It is almost as if they take some type of perverse joy in seeing the “blood running in the streets.” The truth is that often they do this simply to develop and maintain a reputation as “Bad Leroy Brown…baddest man in the whole damn town.” When a spouse is angry and in the emotional stage of wanting to exact revenge, they want to be the name on everyone’s lips when that aggrieved spouse asks their neighbor who is the meanest SOB in town. And, so they work hard to maintain that reputation because it makes them a lot of money.
"The sad part is that acting like a pit bull is rarely, if ever, in their own client’s best interests. Of course, the pit bull’s main concern is not their client. If you know anything about pit bulls, you will know that they are very aggressive and vicious. But, they are not thinking animals. They act only on instinct. When they fight, they not only destroy the dog they are fighting, but by their own actions hurt themselves and anything else around them (which often includes their own client’s and their client’s children).
"The pit bull is aggressive for the sake of being aggressive, not for any long-term benefit it brings their client. Often people going through divorce will think they need an aggressive lawyer to represent them in their divorce. They are wrong. What they need is a lawyer who is assertive. There is a difference. It is the difference between the pit bull and the fox.
"The fox is wise and cunning. He sees the big picture. The fox is assertive when he needs to be, compromising when it benefits his clients’ long-term best interests, and always aware of the many different consequences his actions have on his clients. He stands on principle. Yet, he is a strong advocate for his client when it promotes his client’s long-term best interests. He recognizes that reaching a fair settlement is always preferable to trying the case and leaving it up to the judge. Yet, he also knows that if a fair settlement is not forthcoming, then he must be willing and able to prepare to effectively litigate the case in court.
"When choosing a divorce lawyer, you should avoid the lamb and the pit bull at all costs. Instead, find yourself a fox."
"Michael Sherman of the Alabama Family Law Blog has posted a truly insightful article about the different styles of divorce attorneys. Like Michael, I am frequently asked by prospective divorce clients if I will be aggressive... or a pit bull... or a shark. They phrase it differently. But, many folks facing divorce think that what they need is the most aggressive divorce lawyer in Marietta, or Atlanta or in Georgia (or whatever jurisdiction they happen to be in).
Here is Michael's article:"
"In my years of divorce practice I have seen lots of lawyers handle divorce cases. There are as many different styles as there are different lawyers. But, I have also noticed three recurring styles of lawyer in particular. I call them the lamb, the pit bull and the fox.
"The lamb is the lawyer that just sort of goes with the flow. They are reactive, not proactive. They want to avoid confrontation at all costs and that means they also want to avoid going to court at all costs, even if it means convincing their clients to settle for significantly worse terms than they should. The lamb may even be afraid to try the divorce case. He will rarely, if ever, tell his client that he should not sign a settlement offer that is being extended from the other side even if that offer is clearly inequitable. Thankfully, there are not a lot of lambs that last very long as divorce lawyers.
"Much more prevalent is the pit bull, who is exactly the opposite. They hate to settle cases. In fact, some of them won’t do anything proactive to try to settle their divorce cases. It is almost as if they take some type of perverse joy in seeing the “blood running in the streets.” The truth is that often they do this simply to develop and maintain a reputation as “Bad Leroy Brown…baddest man in the whole damn town.” When a spouse is angry and in the emotional stage of wanting to exact revenge, they want to be the name on everyone’s lips when that aggrieved spouse asks their neighbor who is the meanest SOB in town. And, so they work hard to maintain that reputation because it makes them a lot of money.
"The sad part is that acting like a pit bull is rarely, if ever, in their own client’s best interests. Of course, the pit bull’s main concern is not their client. If you know anything about pit bulls, you will know that they are very aggressive and vicious. But, they are not thinking animals. They act only on instinct. When they fight, they not only destroy the dog they are fighting, but by their own actions hurt themselves and anything else around them (which often includes their own client’s and their client’s children).
"The pit bull is aggressive for the sake of being aggressive, not for any long-term benefit it brings their client. Often people going through divorce will think they need an aggressive lawyer to represent them in their divorce. They are wrong. What they need is a lawyer who is assertive. There is a difference. It is the difference between the pit bull and the fox.
"The fox is wise and cunning. He sees the big picture. The fox is assertive when he needs to be, compromising when it benefits his clients’ long-term best interests, and always aware of the many different consequences his actions have on his clients. He stands on principle. Yet, he is a strong advocate for his client when it promotes his client’s long-term best interests. He recognizes that reaching a fair settlement is always preferable to trying the case and leaving it up to the judge. Yet, he also knows that if a fair settlement is not forthcoming, then he must be willing and able to prepare to effectively litigate the case in court.
"When choosing a divorce lawyer, you should avoid the lamb and the pit bull at all costs. Instead, find yourself a fox."
Categories: Blog
Keeping in Touch with Your Lawyer
In almost every attorney-client relationship, the two parties need to have an understanding about how they will communicate with each other. Most attorneys have preferred means of communication, such as email, voice mail, scheduled phone conferences, etc. Clients usually have some systems that they prefer or may be more comfortable with. It's a good idea to have a discussion at the beginning of the attorney-client relationship as to how the parties will exchange information. Here are some approaches to consider and discuss. This is intended to be like a checklist, rather than some cutting-edge new information. The point is that the attorney and client need to start off with a clear idea about how much communication is needed or wanted and which method or methods would work best for the parties in this case. Here are some possibilities.
- Email. It's fast, cheap and it can be saved. Most people are comfortable with it, but some are not. It's a great way to send documents as well.
- Land Line Telephone. These seem to be disappearing, but for people who still have them, they are a convenient and dependable way to talk or leave a message (assuming there's an answer machine or voice mail).
- Cell Phone. It seems like almost everyone has one, but some people don't, or can't, have them turned on all the time. There are also sometimes problems with reception or dropped calls. I will not answer my cell phone (and often don't have it turned on) when I am at a meeting, when I'm at court, when I am with another client or if I am on the phone with someone else. (I also don't interrupt meals for phone calls.) Cell phones can be very convenient and for many people, they are the primary means of contact.
- Texting. While not everyone texts, more and more are doing it and it can be a quick and efficient means of communicating. It doesn't take a lot of expensive training, either. If the adults don't know how to text, almost any kid can teach them how to.
- Voice Mail at an Office. Almost any attorney's office will have a voice mail system that works well. Sometimes it is much easier to leave a long message on the voice mail than it is to write or use other methods. The key is to leave a detailed message and not just say, "I returned your call" or "Call me". Ask a question or leave information.
- Rely on Office Staff. There are many times when an attorney is tied up in court, is in a meeting or is just behind closed doors giving full attention to working on a project and can't be interrupted. Sometimes a client has a message which doesn't require talking directly to the attorney. In those situations, having the client talk directly with the staff in the office is the most efficient and effective means of communication. There are many questions that an experienced staff member can answer quickly for the client. Having a good relationship between the staff and a client makes communication easier for everyone.
- Snail Mail. Most attorneys still rely on regular U.S. Mail to send notices and copies of documents. More and more, attorneys use email, but almost everyone uses regular mail for some things. Make sure your attorney has a good postal address for you. Bonus Tip: If you get a letter, please be sure you open it and deal with whatever it discusses.
- Third Parties for Messages. I like to get the the name, address and phone number of a (preferably local) person who can always get a message to you. It's a low-tech backup system for me in case I'm not aware when your address, phone number, email, etc. have changed. (It happens.)
The list here is intended to help you think about the best way to keep in touch with your attorney. If your fee arrangement involves hourly charges by the attorney, you can probably save money by talking with the staff, instead of the attorney, or by using some of the other processes. However, there are times when the attorney and client just need to talk, so use whatever method works to set that up. One way to do that is to make a telephone appointment to speak at a specific date and time. If you have trouble getting in touch with the attorney, work with the staff to arrange the call. With as many options as there are, you should be able to find an approach that is workable for you and your attorney.
Categories: Blog
Top 10 Reasons Why Doctors Prefer Collaborative Law
Over the past few years, I have noticed that a number of physicians facing divorce have become fans of Collaborative Law as the best process for them and their families. Many doctors (or their spouses) have researched and discovered the process on the Internet. After I discuss the possibilities with them, doctors and their spouses almost always are enthusiastic about trying the process, even if they hadn't heard about it before. Here are some of the reasons why it is appealing for physician divorces.
- Privacy and control. In contrast to how litigated divorces proceed, Collaborative divorces permit a private process where the parties control the timing and outcome. Meetings are conducted privately and decisions are made by the parties in joint meetings where both sides are encouraged to participate and ultimately make their own decisions. Parties don't waste time at the courthouse and don't have to fit their schedules around the judge's availability.
- Flexibility for kids' schedules. Not only are many doctors regularly on-call, but their schedules often change monthly. In addition, less senior doctors get their schedules moved around and they get the less desirable times to work and cover for others. All of that makes it hard or impossible for the traditional standard visitation schedule to work. The Collaborative Law process encourages the parties to be creative and come up with unique approaches for visitation challenges. In Collaborative cases, there is no assumption that the parents must follow the standard schedule.
- Keeping a good relationship between both parents and children. One of the main reasons why Collaborative Law is popular is because it encourages and enables the parties to improve their communication and respectful behavior toward each other. We usually work with a communication specialist, who is a mental health professional (MHP). The MHP always helps make the process more productive and effective and less stressful. We often have the parents work separately with a child specialist to create a special plan for sharing time with the children. An MHP can help the parents focus on the essential issues and avoid emotional land mines that often interrupt unguided negotiations.
- Enabling the parents to provide for their children for the long term. In Texas, child support generally ends when a child turns 18 and graduates from high school, whichever is later. State law does not provide for payment of college expenses or support through college. Nevertheless, many parents recognize that college is essential for children who want to have fulfilling careers. They also recognize the rapidly increasing cost of a college education. Since Collaborative Law does not impose limitations on what goals the parties may have, it is quite common for parents, in a Collaborative case, to set up plans to provide a college education and the necessary support for the children through college.
- Reasonably determine the value of a medical practice. In a litigated divorce when a doctor owns an interest in a medical practice, it is normal for both sides to hire their own expert to put a value on the interest in the medical practice. In contrast, in a Collaborative Law case, the parties normally agree on one appraiser. That cuts the cost in half and also reduces the fighting over the values produced. The experts appreciate not having to testify in depositions and court (also saving the fee for those actions) and enjoy the freedom of neutrality. One of the most serious concerns of a medical professional is the uncertainty of future income. As was illustrated by the recent Congressional action in passing legislation and then having to override a veto, physicians' income is easily affected by factors out of their control. Dealing with federal law and insurance companies, the occasional effects of an economic downturn and the burden of malpractice insurance (even after tort reform), create problems that must be considered when valuing a practice.
- Managing debt. Debt from a variety of sources can be a problem for physicians. Medical school is obviously expensive and many doctors start out with a heavy load of student loans. Buying into a practice can also be very expensive, as is starting up a new practice at any time in one's career. Overhead for a medical office is very high and it seems that a doctor has little control over how much or when s/he will be paid. Credit card debt, even for well-established physicians can be substantial. Using a financial professional (FP) in a Collaborative case makes it possible to create a plan to control and eventually eliminate debt. That is something that normally doesn't happen in a litigated divorce.
- Consideration of tax consequences. In a Collaborative case, the FP works with both parties to analyze the tax consequences of various property division and support provisions. That provides the best opportunity for the parties to save on taxes. That normally doesn't happen in litigation.
- Protecting and managing retirement funds. In a similar manner, the financial professional also helps the parties figure out the best way to divide and manage their retirement assets or may suggest creating new retirement funds. Both parties get the benefit of an expert who helps them set up an arrangement that is consistent with their goals and needs. That normally doesn't happen in a litigated divorce.
- Dealing with complex and significant assets or investments. In Collaborative cases, the parties utilize an expert to analyze their assets and to help them determine the best allocation of so they can meet their goals and needs. In litigation, such assets are often divided arbitrarily and without analysis of the tax and other consequences of the actions. If there are substantial assets, the parties need to invest sufficient time, expertise and creativity to achieve a division that is beneficial to both parties.
- Alimony. Many doctors have a knee-jerk reaction that alimony is totally unacceptable. Many doctors' wives automatically believe they should be entitled to alimony. On an emotional level, those are sometimes understandable opinions. On a financial level, however, alimony can often be used to significantly benefit both parties. The alimony needs to be carefully structured to comply with federal tax law, but that is done with the help of the financial professional. Alimony is not appropriate or beneficial in every case, but it should be viewed with an open mind as a possible solution that can actually help both parties, when properly utilized. The key is having the neutral financial professional who works in Collaborative Law cases.
When considering possible divorce actions, doctors have become much more aware of the benefits of the Collaborative Law process. If facing a potential divorce, they should seek out attorneys who have the special training required for Collaborative Law work. The process will not work in every case, but it is certainly advisable to request that a family law attorney discuss the possibility with the prospective party before anyone files for divorce. Clearly, there are many advantages to using the process in the appropriate case.
Categories: Blog
Having a "Good" Divorce
Occasionally, I hear someone comment that a friend was lucky to have a "good" divorce. If it was a traditional divorce and it didn't get too nasty, bitter or expensive, that friend was indeed lucky. Nowadays, it is possible to have a good divorce without being lucky. Now, it can happen if one is smart and willing to work with one's spouse. If both parties want a good divorce, they can choose to use Collaborative Law.
To me, a good divorce is one that is civilized, rather than a battle to gain a big advantage over their spouse. A good divorce utilizes neutral experts who provide guidance so that both parties can win.
Sometimes, both parties want the divorce. Sometimes it's only one of the parties who wants it, but even the party opposed to the divorce recognizes that it's better not to fight. It's better to be creative and focused on problem solving. That's a good divorce.
A good divorce has a lot of communication. It goes on between the parties, between the attorneys, and between the other professionals brought in and the attorneys and parties. That communication from all angles helps avoid conflict and minimize problems. It leads to more understanding of each other and the willingness to compromise and support each other's goals.
A good divorce may be one which is negotiated in private, respectful meetings.
There will be conflict and disagreement in a good divorce, but the parties and professionals will be better able to deal with the problems and respect each other's interests and needs. A good divorce provides the tools and structure to address the issues in conflict and find solutions that are acceptable to both parties.
Collaborative Law provides the best opportunity to have a good divorce. People considering or facing divorce should contact a Collaborative Lawyer to find out if it would be a good option.
To me, a good divorce is one that is civilized, rather than a battle to gain a big advantage over their spouse. A good divorce utilizes neutral experts who provide guidance so that both parties can win.
Sometimes, both parties want the divorce. Sometimes it's only one of the parties who wants it, but even the party opposed to the divorce recognizes that it's better not to fight. It's better to be creative and focused on problem solving. That's a good divorce.
A good divorce has a lot of communication. It goes on between the parties, between the attorneys, and between the other professionals brought in and the attorneys and parties. That communication from all angles helps avoid conflict and minimize problems. It leads to more understanding of each other and the willingness to compromise and support each other's goals.
A good divorce may be one which is negotiated in private, respectful meetings.
There will be conflict and disagreement in a good divorce, but the parties and professionals will be better able to deal with the problems and respect each other's interests and needs. A good divorce provides the tools and structure to address the issues in conflict and find solutions that are acceptable to both parties.
Collaborative Law provides the best opportunity to have a good divorce. People considering or facing divorce should contact a Collaborative Lawyer to find out if it would be a good option.
Categories: Blog
Confidentiality -- Can You Keep a Secret?
In the field of family law, many people have "situations" they would like to keep secret: embarrassing, inappropriate and sometimes illegal behavior. Unfortunately, confidentiality doesn't necessarily cover things just because they are embarrassing, inappropriate or illegal. In fact, those activities are often ones that draw the most interest in family law cases. It is usually pretty easy to establish the relevance to the case. For example, if there are kids and the matter relates to parenting somehow, it will probably be relevant to the case and may be admissible. If fault is being argued to justify an unequal division of the community estate, the bad activities may be part of the proof of fault, and therefore admissible.
Here are some quick thoughts about confidentiality.
Here are some quick thoughts about confidentiality.
- You should always assume that everyone will see, hear and read everything. Be careful what you do and say and write. It will likely be used against you in court. If you make threats, verbally or in writing, someone may have a video image (with a cell phone, everyone has a video camera now) or a document. Think, before you speak or act. Assume that whatever you do or say will be seen or reported in court.
- There is still attorney-client confidentiality, but not if you bring in a 3rd party (friend, parent, sister, etc.) to the conversation. You can also give up the confidentiality if you disclose the information to someone else. There is also no confidentiality for plans to commit future criminal offenses.
- It is a good idea to tell your attorney, in advance, the bad facts of your case. You may feel better just getting it off your chest, and the attorney has probably heard a whole lot worse stuff anyway. It takes a lot to shock an experienced attorney.
- Another advantage of telling the attorney is that s/he will have time to prepare a response for when it comes up in court. Actually, it is often a good strategy for your attorney to bring out your bad facts (in a controlled manner) to minimize the damage.
- Don't expect the husband-wife privilege to help you keep out bad statements in a divorce.
- Although it is relatively easy to do electronic snooping on a computer, by planting microphones or by hiding cameras, that does not make it legal. There are legal ways to search a computer (with a court order), but you should not try it on your own. Hiding microphone or cameras can get you into trouble for violating wiretapping and privacy laws, among other things.
- If you suspect you are being spied upon, you should immediately tell your attorney and then have an expert check it out. While you are in litigation, you should assume that whatever you say, do or write could show up in court, so be careful.
- If you are really concerned about privacy, you should consider using the Collaborative Law process because it provides a great deal of privacy. You can talk to your attorney at the outset about that option.
If you get involved in a litigated family law case, there will be very little privacy and limited confidentiality. You should be prudent in how you interact with others since whatever you do could easily show up in court.
Categories: Blog
Mineral Rights -- No Longer Ignored
Whatever your position is on whether and where gas drilling should be permitted in Tarrant County, Texas, there is a lot of leasing going on and mineral rights have become a hot topic in divorce cases. In a Collaborative Law case in Tarrant County, mineral rights need to be on the agenda when dealing with property division. The mineral rights can come into play in several ways.
(1) The parties may own rural land in Tarrant County. If there's been no oil or gas leasing, someone will probably want to buy or lease the land (and minerals). Either way, there's some money to be made that can be divided along with the other assets of the marriage.
(2) If the parties own some developed land in Tarrant County, there probably has been or will be some leasing activity in the area. Some companies are buying properties, but most are just leasing.
(3) If the parties own any property in other counties, they should investigate whether there is any oil or gas activity in those areas. The biggest gas field in Texas right now is centered around Tarrant County, but oil activity is picking up around the state as the price per barrel continues to climb.
(4) If the parties' land is already leased, the royalties (if and when received) can be shared. If the initial bonus payment is still around, it can be divided or offset between the parties.
(5) Leases have generally been more profitable when neighborhoods band together or land owners lease large tracts. It's probably better not to try to negotiate a lease individually.
If your Collaborative attorneys don't know much about mineral rights, they can bring in an oil and gas specialist to help out, just like a parenting specialist or divorce financial planner is often brought in. While mineral rights may not be a big issue in other areas, in Tarrant County, they can have a major impact on the bottom line and they should not be ignored.
Categories: Blog
What to Expect in the Tarrant County Family Law Courts
The Tarrant County Family Law Courts are a frequent subject for internet searches. That makes perfect sense when people face the prospect of having a judge make fundamental decisions about their lives. Everyone wants to know what to expect. This post is to give a brief overview of the Tarrant County divorce courts. Each person about to go to court should consult with his or her own attorney to specifically find out about the judges who will be involved in the case.
Location
The Tarrant County Family Law Courts are in the Tarrant County Family Law Center which is located at 200 E. Weatherford Street in downtown Fort Worth, Texas. There is a parking garage located in the next block east of the courthouse and there are parking meters all around the area. Even with all that parking, there are many mornings when the parking garage fills early and it seems that all convenient parking meters are taken. The lesson to be learned: Get there early!
Entrance
When you enter the Family Law Center, be prepared to go though metal detectors. It's not quite as bad as an airport, but the deputies are pretty thorough. Be prepared to take off your shoes, belts and jewelry. Pocket knives are not allowed. Briefcases, purses and other items will be x-rayed. It's a hassle, but there were several shootings at the courthouse before the metal detectors were set up.
First Floor
The 1st floor of the courthouse has two "IV D" (four D) courts. They are set up to collect child support and for paternity cases. Cases initiated by the Texas Attorney General are usually handled in those two courts. There is also a room with vending machines next to one of the IV D court waiting rooms.
Second Floor
The 2nd floor has the Domestic Relations Office. Family Court Service is on one side of the hall. They conduct social studies in custody cases and they also handle Access Facilitation matters (resolving visitation/possession issues). In addition, they supervise some visitations, manage drug testing, mediate some cases and do about anything else a judge wants them to do. On the other side of the hall is the child support office where payments can be made, child support probationers report and where a child support payment history can be obtained.
Third Floor
On the 3rd floor, the District Clerk has a file desk, a closed records section and an area with clerks for each court who manage the active court files. Pleadings are filed there and the clerks are responsible to maintaining the court files. Copies of court documents can be obtained there.
Fourth Floor
The 4th floor has the even-numbered courts: 322nd, 324th and 360th District Courts. Next to each of those courts is the Associate Judge's court for that court. The Associate Judges hear temporary matters, contempt or enforcement motions and a variety of other preliminary matters. They can hear final trials if both parties and the court agree. The District Court Judges normally hear final trials and some appeals from the Associate Courts, as well as some other preliminary matters.
Fifth Floor
The 5th floor has the odd-numbered courts: 231st, 233rd and the 325th District Courts. Associate Judges' courts are next the the District Courts on that floor as well. In addition, on both floors, each court has a Court Coordinator for the District and Associate Courts. The Coordinator schedules matters in each court.
Conference Rooms
Each court on both floors has two conference rooms right outside each courtroom and there are other conference rooms at other locations on both floors. Generally, more time is spent negotiating (and waiting) than is spent in actual court hearings, so the conference rooms are heavily used. Most matters are resolved at the courthouse through negotiations.
Bailiffs
Each court also has a Bailiff who is a Deputy Sheriff. You should do whatever the Bailiff tells you to do. If/when you are in a courtroom, turn off your cell phone. The world won't come to an end if you don't answer a call, but you will be in a world of trouble if the Judge hears your cell phone ringing.
Know What to Expect
This post gives you some idea about how to find your way around the Tarrant County Family Law Center in Fort Worth. If you have a case in the divorce courts, be sure to consult with your attorney before going to court. The courts begin at different times, usually at 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. Your attorney can tell you when to be at court. Each of the 14 judges is different and has a slightly different perspective on cases. It is very beneficial to have an experienced lawyer who knows the personality and point of view of each of the judges. Your lawyer should be able to tell you what to expect, what to emphasize and what to avoid. Experience and preparation are really important if you have to go to court. Choose your attorney carefully and then provide all the information you can so your lawyer can be prepared.
Finally, Expect Negotiations
It is normal for the attorneys for both parties to know each other and even be friends. They will probably also know the judge well. Since most cases settle by negotiation, it is natural and beneficial that the attorneys have a good working relationship. Don't be concerned if you see the attorneys talking with each other and not appearing angry or mean. A friendly, business-like approach is generally the most effective way to negotiate. That means a better result for you.
Location
The Tarrant County Family Law Courts are in the Tarrant County Family Law Center which is located at 200 E. Weatherford Street in downtown Fort Worth, Texas. There is a parking garage located in the next block east of the courthouse and there are parking meters all around the area. Even with all that parking, there are many mornings when the parking garage fills early and it seems that all convenient parking meters are taken. The lesson to be learned: Get there early!
Entrance
When you enter the Family Law Center, be prepared to go though metal detectors. It's not quite as bad as an airport, but the deputies are pretty thorough. Be prepared to take off your shoes, belts and jewelry. Pocket knives are not allowed. Briefcases, purses and other items will be x-rayed. It's a hassle, but there were several shootings at the courthouse before the metal detectors were set up.
First Floor
The 1st floor of the courthouse has two "IV D" (four D) courts. They are set up to collect child support and for paternity cases. Cases initiated by the Texas Attorney General are usually handled in those two courts. There is also a room with vending machines next to one of the IV D court waiting rooms.
Second Floor
The 2nd floor has the Domestic Relations Office. Family Court Service is on one side of the hall. They conduct social studies in custody cases and they also handle Access Facilitation matters (resolving visitation/possession issues). In addition, they supervise some visitations, manage drug testing, mediate some cases and do about anything else a judge wants them to do. On the other side of the hall is the child support office where payments can be made, child support probationers report and where a child support payment history can be obtained.
Third Floor
On the 3rd floor, the District Clerk has a file desk, a closed records section and an area with clerks for each court who manage the active court files. Pleadings are filed there and the clerks are responsible to maintaining the court files. Copies of court documents can be obtained there.
Fourth Floor
The 4th floor has the even-numbered courts: 322nd, 324th and 360th District Courts. Next to each of those courts is the Associate Judge's court for that court. The Associate Judges hear temporary matters, contempt or enforcement motions and a variety of other preliminary matters. They can hear final trials if both parties and the court agree. The District Court Judges normally hear final trials and some appeals from the Associate Courts, as well as some other preliminary matters.
Fifth Floor
The 5th floor has the odd-numbered courts: 231st, 233rd and the 325th District Courts. Associate Judges' courts are next the the District Courts on that floor as well. In addition, on both floors, each court has a Court Coordinator for the District and Associate Courts. The Coordinator schedules matters in each court.
Conference Rooms
Each court on both floors has two conference rooms right outside each courtroom and there are other conference rooms at other locations on both floors. Generally, more time is spent negotiating (and waiting) than is spent in actual court hearings, so the conference rooms are heavily used. Most matters are resolved at the courthouse through negotiations.
Bailiffs
Each court also has a Bailiff who is a Deputy Sheriff. You should do whatever the Bailiff tells you to do. If/when you are in a courtroom, turn off your cell phone. The world won't come to an end if you don't answer a call, but you will be in a world of trouble if the Judge hears your cell phone ringing.
Know What to Expect
This post gives you some idea about how to find your way around the Tarrant County Family Law Center in Fort Worth. If you have a case in the divorce courts, be sure to consult with your attorney before going to court. The courts begin at different times, usually at 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. Your attorney can tell you when to be at court. Each of the 14 judges is different and has a slightly different perspective on cases. It is very beneficial to have an experienced lawyer who knows the personality and point of view of each of the judges. Your lawyer should be able to tell you what to expect, what to emphasize and what to avoid. Experience and preparation are really important if you have to go to court. Choose your attorney carefully and then provide all the information you can so your lawyer can be prepared.
Finally, Expect Negotiations
It is normal for the attorneys for both parties to know each other and even be friends. They will probably also know the judge well. Since most cases settle by negotiation, it is natural and beneficial that the attorneys have a good working relationship. Don't be concerned if you see the attorneys talking with each other and not appearing angry or mean. A friendly, business-like approach is generally the most effective way to negotiate. That means a better result for you.
Categories: Blog
I Don't Like My Ex-Spouse's Vacation Plans (With the Kids)!
I recently spent several hours at the courthouse because my client's spouse wanted to control my client's summer vacation with the children. While there may have been mental health issues active in this case, it was not the first time that a parent had tried to prevent or control the other parent's summer vacation plans with the children. As in most cases, it was a futile exercise, wasting time and money for both parties. My client was unhappy about being in court and the other party was very unhappy about the outcome. It all could have been avoided.
Courts in Texas will rarely get involved in parental vacation plans, unless there is a real danger to the children. If a parent has plans to expose the children to a very dangerous situation, a court might act. If a parent just doesn't like the other parent's plans or doesn't like others who will be around the children, most courts won't get involved. Judges can recognize when someone is being controlling or acting as a bully, and they generally won't support such behavior. Generalized fears that a parent may be somewhat irresponsible or that a child will be homesick or that a child won't have a good time are not sufficient to warrant restricting a parent's vacation plans. Complaining that a parent or others will "bad mouth" the other parent will not be sufficient to force a change in plans. There are less drastic ways to deal with all those scenarios.
There are several possible things that could be going on when this issue arises:
Courts in Texas will rarely get involved in parental vacation plans, unless there is a real danger to the children. If a parent has plans to expose the children to a very dangerous situation, a court might act. If a parent just doesn't like the other parent's plans or doesn't like others who will be around the children, most courts won't get involved. Judges can recognize when someone is being controlling or acting as a bully, and they generally won't support such behavior. Generalized fears that a parent may be somewhat irresponsible or that a child will be homesick or that a child won't have a good time are not sufficient to warrant restricting a parent's vacation plans. Complaining that a parent or others will "bad mouth" the other parent will not be sufficient to force a change in plans. There are less drastic ways to deal with all those scenarios.
There are several possible things that could be going on when this issue arises:
- There could be a legitimate concern, with a factual basis, related to past events. The problem (from that parent's perspective) is that the expected harm must be certain and significant, and that's hard to prove.
- The child may be telling both parents different things and may have her own agenda in creating conflict.
- The child may be telling both parents different things and may just be trying to cope with pressure put on the child by one or both parents.
- One parent may really be afraid that the child will have a good time with the other parent and wants to prevent that.
- A parent may be selfishly wanting to spend the time with the child and therefore tries to create whatever barriers he can to prevent the child from being away.
- One parent may be trying to alienate the child from the other parent or the other parent's family or friends, so she tries to interfere with visits.
- One or both parents could be mentally ill or very immature.
- A parent may just want to continue past fights with the other parent and is using this as a tool.
What can you do in such a situation?
- Talk to the other parent. Try to reason with him or her. Be willing to provide lots of information, if that will help.
- Encourage the other parent to go to a counselor to discuss the problem in advance.
- Consider going to a mediator. Some therapists are also trained mediators and that can be a helpful combination.
- In Tarrant County, Texas, you can make an appointment with the Access Facilitator for your court. A trained social worker can often help you and the other parent resolve the matter without attorneys or court, and at no cost!
- Your last resort should be hiring attorneys. Most experienced attorneys can pretty quickly tell you what the outcome will be if you go to court, and most of the time, the answer is that the judge will not restrict vacation plans, unless there is a serious, immediate danger.
Good luck, and may common sense be with you!
Categories: Blog
5 Tips for Choosing the Right Collaborative Law Attorney
I and others have written about how to find a lawyer for a litigated family law case. There are many good suggestions in that context that could also apply in a Collaborative case. There are some different considerations and qualifications relating to Collaborative Law. Here are 5 tips to help you locate a quality Collaborative Lawyer in Tarrant County, TX.
- Make sure the attorney is qualified and experienced in Collaborative Law. Find out if the attorney is a board-certified specialist in family law. Look at the attorney's web site and any directories he/she may be on. You can also check the State Bar of Texas web site for information about an attorney, but an even better source is the web site of the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas. Most experienced Collaborative attorneys are members of the organization and there is a long page of background information about most members on the web site. You can call and ask about the types and number of Collaborative cases the attorney has handled, or you ask questions in person, when you meet with the attorney.
- On a related subject, make sure the attorney has had plenty of training in Collaborative Law. It is so different from litigation that attorneys must be re-programmed so they can act appropriately and manage meetings. Attorneys do well if they have some training each year and have had some recently. All attorneys should have had at least one 2-day basic course in Collaborative Law. When meeting with a prospective attorney, feel free to ask about the attorney's training.
- You want the attorney to be comfortable and competent in working with financial and mental health professionals. My experience has been that bringing in the two other professionals increases the probability of success and makes the process work better for the parties.
- The attorney should be active in his/her field. There are several groups that can be joined, such as local practice groups, CLI-Texas (the statewide organization) and IACP, an international organization of Collaborators.
- Last, but certainly not least, you should decide (after personally meeting with the prospective attorney) whether the chemistry between the attorney and you seems good. You will be having a number of joint meetings and even more short meetings with just your attorney. Make sure that the relationship seems right. Go with your gut feeling.
The way to find a good Collaborative Lawyer for yourself is to mix some common sense, follow general advice about hiring an attorney (get referrals, check similar experience, etc.) and then look for the specialized qualifications that outlined above. Good luck!
Categories: Blog